Memory in a Dream
by cobalt kitty
Summary: A haunting dream plagues Heero, but he likes it. Shonen ai 2+1+2


Disclaimer: I have a dog that looks like a rat.   
  
Warnings: Um...shonen ai 2+1+2, the format is 1st person, 3rd person, 1st person, and 3rd person--did that make any sense? Oh well, that's how I set it up. Uh...just alittle angst (you can hardly tell), OOC, slight Heero torture ^_^, sap/fluff, weirdish.  
  
***Update Notice*** Hey, this is for all the peeps reading 'First Kiss Delayed'.   
  
Sorry to say, but I won't be able to update this week like I had planned. A friend of mine is having "problems", and I'm afraid they're serious -_-;. So as her friend, I have to find some way to help her out. If you ask me, she's being stupid. Shh! Don't tell her I said that. Anyway, until I figure out what to do, FKD is on hold. It shouldn't be too long though, I don't think. *sigh* Even so, I don't really know what to do. Argh. If anyone has wants to help me out so I can finish FKD, AIM/e-mail me please! I'll tell you what's going on. I don't know what to do -_-;. Okayokayokay, I'm sure you did click the link to read this lovely note, so on with to the fic.  
  
Notes: None really. I managed to get this written, so...Just enjoy!  
  
  
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Memory in a Dream  
  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
  
There is a dream I have been constantly plagued by. I'm not certained whether or not it was real or one that has been composed from many fragments of memories. All I know is that it is a dream of the past. A dream where I am young. A dream where I am pure. A dream where I am innocent. A dream where I showed fear. Where missions didn't matter, and being a child did. The only dream I am not afraid of though there was pain. It is a dream I find comfort in. It is the dream that has kept me alive. My soul purpose for living. My dream of the one who banished the pain, anguish, and helplessness then replaced them with hope, happiness, and comfort for that short imcrimant of my tragic life...  
  
  
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Heero sat patiently on a cold metal table that stood a foot taller than him. He was waiting for a man who had taken him in from the streets a month ago. He assumed that he was waiting to be examined and tested...again. Heero's hands were pressed up against the cool steel and his feet dangled in a childish demeanor, much like a boy waiting anxiously for the doctor. Well...that's technically what he was doing. He was dressed in a white hospital gown with ties in the back and nothing else. At first the clothing bothered him because of the exposure of his back side, but he had gotten used to it. Heero didn't care about the gown anymore.   
  
He sat in a large lab room which he wasn't particularly fond of. The room was filled with gadgets and gizmos that Heero did not understand, though he would eventually learn to live with the tools, what really concerned him were the countless injections lined up atop a medicine cart on the other side of the room. He hated injections. Everytime he saw a needle he became nervous and frightned. The doctor told him not to and often forced the syringe into his veins. He hated that too. They hurt. Some of the injections made him feel funny inside while others made his body and mind do weird things. Many times he had had seizures, nosebleeds, agues, stroke, or all of them follow the injections which always caused some sort of pain.  
  
But he would have to get used to it.  
  
Why?  
  
The man who took Heero in gave the small boy an uncomfortable feeling. The person was a somewhat of an old man with adnormal features...like his eyes, they weren't real. And his legs. What were those metal contraptions? Not to forget that hidious claw connected to his wrist. Did all old people turn out like this? Heero often wondered. The man told Heero to call him "Dr. J", so Heero did. Dr. J was a moody man in Heero's opinion. One minute J was pleased with Heero, the next he was yelling his head off and throwing things at him. Heero used to like to talk a little, but everytime Heero opened his mouth to say something, Dr. J stopped him and told him to keep quiet.   
  
"Words are not necessary." the doctor told him.  
  
Therefore, Heero pretty much kept to himself now, unless told otherwise. He didn't like it when the doctor yelled at him.  
  
Heero dropped his thoughts and looked around the lab again. It was so lonely here. He had no one to talk to or to talk to him. He was also scared. Heero was a little boy in a huge lab with no one to tell him everything was going to be alright. He never knew what was going to happen to him, and he feared that. Heero swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He was scared, like the time when that J man locked him in a dark cellar when he had 'misbehaved'. He was in that cellar for several hours all by himself. Heero screamed and pleaded to be released from the dank prison, but the man refused and just told him to face his fears.  
  
"One day boy, you're going to change the world!"  
  
The doctor said nearly everyday.  
  
Heero had no idea what he meant.  
  
He was only five years old...  
  
*clunk*  
  
Heero whipped his head in the direction of the sound. Ever since Heero had arrived here, he had much sharper sense than an ordinary boy, or so the doctor told him. Heero didn't know why, nor did he notice the change.  
  
"Ow..."  
  
Heero gasped, there was some one else in the room! No one else was supposed to be in this room! No one but Dr. J and him!  
  
"That hurt..."  
  
Heero located the voice behind that dreaded medicine cart in the dark corner of the bleak lab.  
  
*thump*  
  
Another noise reached his ears. Heero hopped down from the table without a sound and quietly padded his bare feet over to the corner. He looked around the metal cart for well...anything.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Heero pouted, he was sure that he heard something over here. The Japanese child turned around.  
  
"Oof!" said a breath as he fell to the tile floor on his bottom. He had collided with something. Something warm, something soft, something like...him. His prussian orbs grew wide as they met with another pair of eyes on the floor in front of him.  
  
It...it...it was a boy.   
  
But...no one was supposed to be in here!  
  
Heero eyed the boy suspiciously. The mysterious boy was taller that he and dressed in rags with long chestnut locks of hair. He had slight dirt smudges on his cheeks and nose. Behind the smudged cheeks were the eyes Heero had met with. They were beautiful round amethyst eyes which blinked at him innocently. Heero just stared back, shocked at the unexpected surprise. What was this boy doing in this lab?  
  
Well...not that he minded really.  
  
"Anou..who are you?" the boy asked.  
  
Heero blinked unintentionally mimicking the other's earlier action, but besides that, didn't reply.  
  
The unknown boy poked Heero in the stomach, "Oi...oi..."  
  
Heero glared and pouted, "Stop that." he said covering his torso area. He was already probed nearly everyday, he didn't need the extra attention.  
  
The violet eyed boy smiled, "Oh! So you do talk!"  
  
"Baka, of course I talk." Heero retorted feeling no threat from the other.  
  
The boy scowled, "I'm not a baka! Why does everyone call me that? I didn't do anything."  
  
Heero shrugged, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Promise you won't tell?"  
  
Heero nodded. He didn't have anyone to tell anyway.  
  
The boy leaned closer, "I'm hiding from those weird men in white coats."  
  
Heero cocked an unknowing eyebrow, "Hiding?"  
  
The other nodded, "Yep, I don't want them to get me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
The long-haired boy shrugged, "I don't know. I just don't want them to catch me." the boy said, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Heero hesistated, he wasn't sure himself why he was here. "I... I live here."  
  
"Live here??? Why??? It doesn't seem like any fun."  
  
It's not. Heero thought.  
  
The boy grinned, "What's you're name?"  
  
Heero pouted inwardly, he wasn't supposed to give his name to strangers, but this one was different. "I'm called 'Heero'."  
  
"You're *called* 'Heero'?"  
  
The Japanese boy nodded, "That's what they've called me ever since I was brought here."  
  
"Well, nice to meetcha Heero!" the boy took Heero's hand in his and shook it. "I don't have a name. Either that, or I can't remember what it is. So I guess you can call me whatever you want for now. I don't mind."  
  
"Anything?" Heero asked with wide eyes. He was never given any choices now that he was in this...facility.  
  
Amethyst eyes nodded, "Yep, anything's okay with me."  
  
"...Baka." Heero said triumphantly.  
  
The other frowned, "Baka?" Heero nodded. The boy shrugged, "Okay, that's fine for now. Baka it is. So...wanna be friends?"  
  
Heero nodded again, this time more eagarly. He had never had a friend before.  
  
"Great! It seems lonely around here anyway. You're a quiet one, aren't cha?"   
  
Heero smiled.  
  
He had never had a friend. It was so nice of Baka to befriend him. He looked at Baka who was too smiling. Heero was overwhelmed, what's this light feeling? He had had this feeling before, but it was such a long time ago. He had forgotten what it was. It made him feel...  
  
Fuzzy.  
  
Yes, it made him feel fuzzy inside. What was it?  
  
Suddenly, Baka began to giggle. What was so funny? It surely wasn't Heero. Whatever it was, Heero's smile widened.  
  
But his smile vanished when he detected a familiar sound of clanks coming from down the hall. It was the doctor. Judging from the sound of things, many others weren't far behind. They must be the men that wanted to catch Baka! Heero had to do something, he didn't want Baka to be taken away so soon, they were just beginning to become friends!  
  
"Do you hear that?" Heero asked.  
  
Baka shook his head, "No, hear what?"  
  
Heero's chest tightened as the clanks became closer, "It's the men in the white coats, you have to hide Baka, if you don't, they'll get you!"  
  
"Where do I hide???"  
  
Heero scanned the room, "There!" he said and pointed to an unused medical that was covered with a white sheet.  
  
Baka nodded and scrambled under the cart. Heero could see his violet eyes peeking out from under the sheet. "Like this?" Baka whispered.   
  
Heero nodded, "Remember, don't move."  
  
"Gotcha." Baka replied.  
  
Seconds later, the large metal door creaked open and Dr. J entered the lab. Where were the others? Heero saw a glimpse of many feet continue to run down the hall. Relief exhausted from his conscience.  
  
"Hello Heero. Are you ready for today's testing?"  
  
Heero reluctantly nodded.  
  
The doctor grinned, "Good." J held his fake hand up in front of Heero. Heero watched as the claw opened and snapped tightly shut. That thing always intimidated Heero, and Dr. J knew it, that's why he did it in the first place. "On the table." said J as he turned around and picked up a syringe. Heero gulped. The doctor flicked the top then laid it back down as Heero climbed up on the cold lab table.  
  
"Remove the gown."  
  
"Remove the gown?"  
  
J nodded, "Yes, remove the gown Heero."  
  
Heero hesistated a second before he untied the back of the hospital gown and he put it out to the side. He was fully exposed now, his little parts and everything. He felt...uncomfortable. Dr. J had never told him to remove the gown before. What was going to happen today?  
  
Heero glanced at Baka from the tall lab table. He wasn't surprised to see the other boy watching him.  
  
A minute later Dr. J rolled a large machine over to Heero's side, but not in the way of Baka's view. The doctor retrieved a handful of electrodes that were wired to the machine. Some were a pale blue while the others were white and a soft green. He began plotting them on Heero's naked body. The fake-eyed man placed one electrode on each of his temples, each side of his chest, each one of his wrist, inside his elbows, and on his neck. They were even placed in his thighs both inner and out, his calf muscles, as well as his feet. Heero was frightened now. What was going on? What was this new experiment?  
  
Heero's eyes grew wide as the doctor brought the prepared syringe over to him. Heero edged away from the incoming needle. The doctor saw this and frowned.  
  
"Come now boy, you should be used to this by now."  
  
Heero darted his eyes from the syringe to the doctor. 'Used to it by now'??? He could never get used to it!  
  
"Give me your arm boy."  
  
Heero shook his head.  
  
"Give me your arm Heero."  
  
Again, Heero refused.  
  
"Give me your arm or I'll double the dose!"  
  
Heero shuddered at the yelled command and threat. He gave in and held out his arm.  
  
"Good boy."  
  
Heero clenched his teeth as the needle punctured his soft baby skin. He could feel the fluid fill his veins giving him an immediate dizzy feeling. He recognized his own symtoms, this was not a new drug, unlike the machine. He did not know what exactly this drug was, but he knew that it would make him sleepy, dizzy, and maybe nauseaous.  
  
Heero saw the doctor press a button on the medical cart. He jumped as the corners of the lab table began to change. The Japanese child knew what had changed about the table. He knew the circular metallic structure. Restraints.  
  
Heero gave J a questioning look.  
  
"What is this?" J asked, "Why, it's something to insure that you...don't fall off the table." Dr. J grabbed Heero's wrist and strapped them to the metal bonds. His legs went though the same process. The child watched as J hobbled over to the large machine after restraining him. The man punched a series of buttons and waited. A moment later, Heero could hear the gears of the machinery start up. Dr. J's hand was on a dial that fit perfectly into his palm. With a click, J turned it clockwise. Heero looked up confused as the doctor spoke.  
  
"What is this new machine, you wonder?"  
  
Heero only nodded.  
  
"Why, it is only something that is gradullay going to strengthen your brain waves and prepare you for a future system I have in store for you when you get older." the doctor grinned, "It's called the ZERO system. Remember that, young Heero."  
  
Heero was still confused, but at least he knew the purpose now.  
  
He lay still staring at the bright lab light overhead waiting for something to happen next.   
  
Suddenly a jolt of pain surged through his brain and body. Heero hissed attempting to hold his outburst in.   
  
It hurt.  
  
But he could take it.  
  
Pain was a weakness, Heero is not supposed to have weaknesses.  
  
Ten minutes later, the doctor brought the dial a level up. Heero heard the click, but the double jolts of pain is what convinced him.  
  
"NNNnn..." Heero stifled another scream. He was sweating all over and his body was trembling. How is this supposed to help him? All it did was hurt. But Heero was brave, he would make it through.  
  
~~~  
  
Thirty minutes and three levels later...  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHH!"   
  
Heero screamed.  
  
He finally cracked.  
  
It hurt so much.  
  
It was so hot!  
  
He felt like he was fire.  
  
It burned.  
  
Heero's body began to jerk involuntarily. The jerks occurred in all of his joints. He didn't know how much longer he could bear this...experiment. Experiment? Was that even the right word? Wasn't the proper term for this *torture*???  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"  
  
Tears streamed down Heero's face as the jolts of pain continued traveling through his head and veins.   
  
"Make it stop!!"  
  
His body still jerked up and down slapping the cold metal slab as he made downward contact with it. Heero's head tossed from one side of the table to the other, he spotted Baka under his hiding place. He gave him pleading eyes. Begging eyes. Sad eyes. Pathetic eyes. Eyes that only wanted help. His head was violently thrown the other way prying his view from the boy, but Heero could feel Baka watching him horrified. He sealed his eyes closed and bit down on his lower lip drawing blood.  
  
"Stop!"  
  
Heero's small wrist tugged on the restraints, he was sure that they were going to bruise. But bruises were a bliss compared to this...experiment.  
  
"MAKE IT STOP!!!" Heero cried, he did not care if showing pain was a weakness now, he wanted OUT. "MAKE IT STOP!"  
  
Suddenly, the humming from the machine ceased and a wave of relief flowed through his head. Heero panted as the cool air chilled his burning body. His eyes were wide, but he couldn't see. He couldn't see anything but black. His chest rose higher than ever before and fell faster than it took to fall out of bed. Every inch of his body throbbed with dull pain, mostly his head, especially his head. He fought the urge to give up his last consumed meal.  
  
A twinge of pain stung an area of his arm, he wondered what it was. Seconds later, his vision was restored and he saw Dr. J hovering over him with a long needle. He hadn't even realized it, but the restraints were removed as well as all of the electrodes. Heero blinked a few times water filling them as a side-effect from the injected drug. However, most of the liquid was really his tears.  
  
The doctor hobbled to a clipboard and marked many things on it. What they were was a mystery to Heero, like everything else was in his new life. J tucked the clipboard beneath his arm and turned to Heero.  
  
"Very good, boy. You made it to the fifth level today. I'm impressed. Relax now. I'll be back in an hour or so to check up on you. Good work." said the doctor, but Heero wasn't listening. All he was concentrating on was the aching of his head. The man opened the heavy lab door and exited leaving Heero alone in the room to recover.  
  
Heero's deep, jagged breathing was the only sounds in the lab.  
  
Unconsciously, Heero closed his eyes again and rolled to the left of the table. His head drapped over the side, he began to regergitate anything and everything that was in his small stomach. He vomited until blood replaced it. The boy groaned pathetically and turned to his right attempting to cease the pain in his head and body. He turned too far. Promptly falling off, Heero expected to hit the hard floor.  
  
He didn't.  
  
Instead, the Japanese child had fallen onto something. Something....bony, yet soft and warm.   
  
Something like him.  
  
Mmm...it felt so nice and comfortable.   
  
Heero slowly opened his eyes to see what prevented him from falling to the ground. It was...  
  
Baka.  
  
Baka kept him from hitting the floor.  
  
Why?  
  
Were they really friends?  
  
"Heero! Are you okay?"  
  
Heero looked up at the boy, tears once again filling his eyes, "Baka...!" he cried wrapping his arms around the taller boy. He was hurting so much inside. He didn't know why, but he just...he just needed a hug.  
  
Heero felt that Baka didn't know what to do, here he was in a creepy lab with another boy using his shoulder to cry on. Baka did the only thing he could do. He held him. What else was he supposed to do? Baka sighed and tentatively patted Heero's back reassuringly. Still, he was uncertained with his actions. What...what if he...hurts him? Baka had never nurtured anyone before. But there's a first time for everything, right?  
  
Besides, him and Heero were friends.  
  
Heero sobbed onto Baka's shoulder until he was drained.  
  
"It's alright Heero, I'm here."  
  
Sniffling, Heero only nodded. He was so tired, that machine literally fried his brain. He couldn't think, he couldn't move, he couldn't do anything but lie in his new friend's arms. Heero drew in a deep breath and sighed, his body was relaxed now, but his head still hurt.  
  
Baka shifted Heero so that the boy was in his little lap, he frowned then wiped remnants of blood from the corners of Heero's mouth. Baka hugged him tightly, "Is this what you always have to go through here?" Baka asked. Heero nodded, he hadn't actually done this experiment before, but he had endured others like it.  
  
"I'm sorry you have to go through with that stuff."  
  
"Hn." Heero managed to say, he now rested his chin on Baka's shoulder with his head against the other's. His eyes were closed an he felt like he was floating.  
  
"You don't like it do you?"  
  
Heero shook his head.  
  
"Then why don't you run away?"  
  
"I don't have anybody to go to." Heero mumbled.  
  
Baka chuckled a childish chuckle, "Well Heero, we have something in common." Heero attempted to cock an eyebrow, but failed, he hadn't the energy. "Hey! Why don't you run away with me?" Baka suggested.  
  
"Run...run away...?" Heero stammered.  
  
Baka nodded, "Yeah! Just you and me! I don't see why not, we don't have anywhere to go. We could give each other our own company so we're never alone. We'll be best buds all the way!"  
  
"Best buds?" Heero said, "Do you mean that? We'll really be friends?"  
  
"Of course! Yeah, from this day on we'll be friends, Heero."  
  
The Japanese boy couldn't help but smile again. It was a weak smile, but nevertheless a smile.  
  
The small smile was contagious causing Baka to smile as well, "I like it when you smile, you don't look so sad."  
  
"Always be friends?"  
  
"You and I will always be friends, Heero."  
  
You and I will always be friends, Heero.  
  
You and I will always be friends, Heero.  
  
You and I will always be friends, Heero.  
  
That quote was engraved in that cobalt-eyed boy's mind. He would never forget that line.  
  
Never.  
  
Heero sighed contently with the knowledge that he had a friend. Baka was his best friend now, and his only friend. He closed his eyes and completely let himself sink into unconsciousness. He could trust his boy, he knew he could trust him. In some strange way, Heero felt as if they were somehow bonded to each other.  
  
The Asian felt a gentle hand on his head. The hand stroked his hair in the most gingerly demeanor ever. Heero gave alittle pur as the hand continued. Heero was happy that Baka had sneaked into the lab that day. He gained a friend.  
  
~~~  
  
Heero's eyes fluttered open at the sound of heavy scraping against tile.  
  
"Heero...! Heero...!"  
  
The Japanese boy's eyebrow's knitted together, where was he? Heero recalled his state when he was conscious. Oh, wait...now he remembered. He had undergone an...experiment. And he was here with...  
  
"Baka?"  
  
"Heero! Boy am I glad you're awake, I think that freaky scientist guy is back!"  
  
"Back?"  
  
Suddenly--  
  
"HEERO! Who is this boy???"  
  
The short-haired boy cringed at the shriek. It was the doctor.  
  
"You know no one else is supposed to be--wait..." Dr. J glared at Baka, "You're the pest that corrupted the security system!" Baka blinked innocently still holding Heero. "Get out!" J yelled. The scientist pressed a button on the side of the door. Seconds later the five guards came running down the hall and into the room.  
  
Heero, whose senses weren't fully alert yet, jumped at the intrusion. A guard pushed Heero aside and handed him over to J. J felt Heero try to struggle and held him close so he wouldn't get away. Another guard grabbed Baka forcefully by the arm.  
  
"C'mon kid." said one of the guards.  
  
"Hey! Lemme go!" Baka protested squirming under the opposing touch, "Lemme go! Heero!"  
  
Baka reached for his friend, and Heero did the same. But being five years-old, the guards over powered them and dragged a reluctant Baka out of the lab.  
  
"Baka!" Heero said, water filled his eyes again. "Baka!"  
  
Dr. J shook his head, "What have I been trying to tell you this whole past mouth??? Never make attachments. Now you know how it feels to have something taken away from you...though...I hadn't expected you to make attachments so quickly. Stupid boy, what was he doing in here the first place???"  
  
Heero listened to J's words, but salty tears trickled down the child's face anyway.   
  
His friend was gone.  
  
"Cry all you want, it will not do you good. It never does. I'll be sure to remind you in more than one way. Do not shed tears for anything. Let this be a lesson, I'm going easy on you today. Like I said, cry all you want boy. Drain yourself. The faster, the better. We still have work to do."  
  
Heero sobbed into his hands.  
  
He had just found a friend, and just as quickly he had found it, he had lost it.  
  
He knew that once the guards had taken him away, they would not bring him back. He also knew that they would not kill him because he was only a child. That bit of information gave Heero hope that one day he might see his violet eyed friend again.  
  
It was the last time Heero shed tears.  
  
  
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I continue to be plagued by this dream. I'm sure that even after death it will never cease to haunt me.   
  
I'll be waiting for it.  
  
I want to believe that my dream is real, but I can't remember it. Then again, I can't remember much of my childhood which further supports my hope of this being a reality. I wish I knew for certain. Again, though I long for it to be real, I don't know if it happened. However, I do believe that 'Baka' really exisits.  
  
  
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Heero's his fingers lingered over the facial features of his love laying beside him. He was using his love's arm as a pillow and his other for a shoulder blanket. Heero brushed the jagged chestnut bangs away from the sleeping figure's closed eyes. The other's warm breath heated Heero's thin fingers as the Japanese boy continued watching his taller love. He placed a soft kiss on the lips before him. The other breathlessly chuckled unconsciously and upon Heero's lips played a tiny smile.  
  
"You and I will always be friends......Baka..................."  
  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
owari  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
  
Okay, okay, I know it was kinda...weird, but hey, it could've happened. I don't really know much about the electrode shock therapy treatment. I just thought it would be more interesting if Heero went through that. And the age factor? Well...I don't know if it's accurate. My Gundam Wing facts are a bit dusty. Anyway, I'm glad you at least made it to the bottom of this.   
  
Hope you enjoyed! Ja ne! 


End file.
